We are just 3 days away from the bellydance event of the year in New England (if you’re my FB friend you are hella sick of my posts by now, and I apologize)! Of course, I am talking about the fundraiser I co-host for the Jimmy Fund, Shimmies V. It’s a day of dancing, friends, fun, family…all around amazingness. Of course, the week leading up to it is always INSANE. Last night Rach and I met up for dinner and to do some last-minute prep. We got to talking and she left around 11pm. I seriously considered staying up to watch “Biggest Loser” (I’m dying to see the fall-out from last week’s red team debacle!).
But, I considered the busy day I had ahead of me….and chose bed instead. (I never choose bed!).
Lying in bed thinking about the event, and the 500 things on my to-do list I was suddenly super-panicky. I plan to dance, and there are people from my “regular life” coming. (Regular life = non-dance. College friends, work friends, whatever). What if I SUCK? What if I forget my music? What if I completely embarrass myself?!
Those panicky thoughts kept me awake for two hours! (Side note: I could have watched BL afterall….dammit!).
I don’t know why but anytime I’m worried about something, I immediately factor my weight into the equation. I’m nervous to dance, and then suddenly I’m nervous because I’m fat. Will the audience be judging me? Will they think “Get that girl off the stage!”. GAH. It’s insane. It’s also EXHAUSTING. Thinking about the consequences of being fat should somehow allow you to burn extra calories.
This morning I decided I am NOT going to torture myself. I am going to dance. If I eff up, so be it. Oh, and I am going to be SUPER brave and get video that I can post to my blog (just for you Marta!). I have fabulous new Geisha Moth pants, and a hella catchy Bassnectar song picked out…I can and will own this!
For reference – fabulous pants:
I realized that so often in my life I let my fears of what COULD happen paralyze me and I fail to “show up” for my own life. I can’t tell you how many times I have not performed when scheduled (even at my own events!) or not gone to a party because I might be the fattest person in the room. Etc. Etc.
Fear can paralyze you – but only if you let it.
I’m leaving you with a double dose of fabulous quotage, and will happily take any other mantras you want to send my way!
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves ‘who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?” — Marianne Williamson