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Coping, that’s all…..

on December 15, 2013

I should have saved that “Long December”post just a few more days….

On Thursday December 12th my fur companion and sweetheart of 20 years went to heaven. Ebony was my first pet ever ~ we got him when I was 11. A boy named Ebony? Funny story…we thought he was a she because he was SO furry we didn’t see any boy bits. Then we got a female kitty (Autumn) and quickly realized our mistake….LOL. The name had stuck and morphed into a million nicknames (including my favorite, Charlie Tango). He was a complete character (and more like a dog than any cat I’ve met to date) – he came to the dinner table ready to get his plate filled with whatever we were eating, gave high fives, liked to talk back,  loved to snuggle and would force you to simultaneously scratch his chin because let’s face it – it was all about him. :-)  My life is empty without him – there’s a tangible void that I just don’t know how to fix or fill.

Ebony 1

You don’t realize the impact a pet has on you and your daily life until you’re at the grocery store on a busy Saturday before a storm surrounded by strangers and have a breakdown, aisle 12. For the first time since I can recall, there is no picking out special cat food. There is no cute face waiting at the door to see what was bought (and to watch you put his food away) –  told you he was more like a dog! Haha.

He had been sick for a bit and on medicine for arthritis. In the last few weeks he’d gotten too weak to get up easily and no one in the family could bear to see him suffer so we had to make a painstaking decision. Ebony was a beloved member of the family (especially after two wonderful decades) and I feel like a piece of my family is MIA. I want to send out a search party. Missing: Wonderful, sweet, sassy black cat. Answers to many names and is irreplaceable.

Ebony 2

I am usually not one to focus on the negative but 2013 has had more suck than any previous year I can think of in my 31 years. Illness, loss, suffering… my favorite aunt, my beloved Charlie Tango… my heart is broken. I’ve cried so much in the last few months that I keep expecting to run out of tears. Alas, the human body is amazing and here I sit with big, fat tears streaming down my face.

I want to usher in a new year with promise and positivity but I know my life will always be a little sadder without him and that deserves acknowledgement and reflection. Rest in peace my sweet friend, I will miss our time together more than you know. <3

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“Grief is like an ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can is learn to swim.” - Vickie Harrison

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3 responses to “Coping, that’s all…..

  1. Jolene says:

    this brought tears to my eyes, because this pain is so familar to me, and still feels so raw, and I am SO sorry that you’re going through this now, especially after having a rough year, to boot. Losing a pet is the hardest thing, one of the hardest I have ever gone through, I still reel from it some days and wonder how she is no longer here. I am thinking of you and sending you fur-love and cuddles from Kayla…the silver lining for me is having her sister at home, still, because a pet-less home is just too hard to bear. I hope you get a kitty in Ebony’s honor, and his name shall live on, in her (or him), foreer. (hug)

    • Marian says:

      I stumbled upon this article and felt the need to comment. I lost my beautiful Cocker Spaniel, Tara, and I know what you are going through. The grief is something you cannot share and you feel that your heart will burst from it. I always called Tara my shadow as she was always at my side.Through my grief I managed to find a way to cope by writing a letter to her telling her what she meant to me. Now whenever I think of her I read the letter and get so much peace from it, I can now remember her with joy instead of sadness. I hope this will help you in some way to come to terms with the loss.

  2. Isabella says:

    I can totally relate. I lost my dog who was like a child to me a few years back. I loved him so much, we were great mates. To this day I feel the pain of the loss. It is for this reason that I cannot ever have another pet. Ever. I just cannot go through that emotional heartache again.

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