(my fantastic Monday post is delayed….I promise, it’s coming!)
I was just thinking about funny things I see at the gym and decided to craft some fake letters. I hope you enjoy – and please, share yours!
Dear Beer Bellied Baseball Lover,
While I do appreciate your Red Sox attire at the gym…I wish you would realize that just doing hundreds of crunches on every ab machine in creation will not make your beer gut disappear. See that treadmill? It’s your friend – go check it out! Oh, btw – have any idea how many calories is in that disgusting protein shake you’re chugging? Yeah I didn’t think you did….
The Fat Chick Doing Circuits
Dear Miss Full Makeup in the Gym,
You look absolutely ridiculous. Go wash your face. You’re here to sweat, not to pick up men sweetheart. Save your gym membership money and join match.com.
The Fat Chick with NO Makeup Sweating Her Ass Off
Dear High School Girl w/ Chip on Her Shoulder,
Yes, I did just leg press your entire body weight (thanks for making it so obvious you were looking!). I might be fat, but I have strong muscles under said fat. Oh, and I really want to slap that stupid look off your face.
The Fat Chick Smirking At You
Dear Old Man w/ the Grouchy Face,
That bicep curl machine isn’t going to work itself, friend. Either use it, or get the hell off. The library is down the street – they have nice couches for sitting.
The Fat Chick Giving You the Evil Eye
I’m thrilled that you’re strutting and admiring your biceps for the 43rd time, but honestly – get over it. You’re not good-looking, you have creepy eyes and no one is impressed by the 3 curls you’ve done in 20 mins. Go home.
The Fat Chick Who Is Sick of Seeing Your Reflection!