Sparkly & Slimming….a Weight Loss Blog

Samantha's journey to slim down, while remaining sparkly!

Fat Clothes = Potato Sacks

on November 11, 2010

I went to Lane Bryant this weekend to buy some celebratory “I’ve lost weight!” jeans since mine are all baggy in unflattering places….low and behold, I found nothing. As such, I penned this letter to my former favorite clothing store.

Dear Lane Bryant,

I’m fed up with your jean selection, and your inability to understand the plus-size woman. You claim to be  “the most recognized name in plus-size clothing”….but I have some serious issues with 80% of the clothing I find in your stores and online.

1. I am fat. I am NOT 7 feet tall. Why must every pair of pants be so long?! If I was 7 feet tall and leggy, I probably wouldn’t be fat….just sayin’. (Sadly, I cannot even hem your too long pants to fit me, because they flare and look weird when hemmed).

2. No fat woman looks good in skinny jeans. Period. End of subject. In fact, I have like….5 friends who actually do look good in these trendy jeans. None of them are bigger than a size 8.

3. The words “Plus size legging” = sausage casing. Just say no. Oh and “Jeggings” are out and have a really stupid name.

4. While I understand that baggy tunics might be trendy, they make me look like a potato sack. Are you actually trying any of your clothes on a woman bigger than size 12? Do they look as pregnant as I do in these ridiculous tunics?

5. Every time I see cute shoes in a store or on your website they are size 11 or 12. Just because I’m fat does not mean I have giant feet! See #1.

6. The last time I had to go someplace dressy, I went in looking for a long skirt (or maybe a dress….although dresses and I are historically not friends) and what did I find? Mini-skirts. I ask you, what fat person looks good in an above the knees mini-skirt!?! Honestly!

7. Why are you always pushing Spanx on me when I’m checking out? I like breathing, and sitting. Both of those are not possible in Spanx.

If you truly want to be the fashion leader for plus size clothing consider the follow changes to your line:

* Vertical pinstripes. They are slimming, and still classy.

* Versatile pieces that can transition from season to season like cardigan, simple sweaters and long, A-line skirts.

*Wide-leg jeans. I have wide hips – wearing pants that flare out starting mid-thigh are most slimming for my body type. I know I am not the only pear-shape shopping at your store, so I know this style would be well-received.

*Speaking of pear-shaped…why don’t we go back to the “Right Fit” jeans that match with your body shape (triangle, circle, rectangle) – everyone I know who shops at LB loved those jeans…and then you discontinued them in favor of the skinny jeans.

In closing, I really hope you take my issues and suggestions seriously ~ because at this rate, I will do my best to buy as little as possible from you as I transition into smaller sizes offered in a wider variety of stores.

Love,
*Samantha

P.S. – I *really* despise it when I see one of your sales associates wearing something cute and they tell me they bought it some place else. I think that speaks to the un-cutness of the majority of your clothes that your own employees don’t even shop there!

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6 responses to “Fat Clothes = Potato Sacks

  1. Shannon says:

    Eh, let’s cut them a break on the skinny jeans and mini-skirts – Lane Bryant used to be all matronly and at least it sounds like they are giving some options to the younger folks these days.

    That said, it’s a crime not to have flared or wide leg jeans!

  2. Heather Emerson says:

    O. M. G. I second and third just about everything you’ve said. I do like the skinnier jeans(wait, hat” THey got rid of the right fit jeans? The only ones that fit me?!!) and mini-skirts -largely because most of their pants fit me like clown pants – not only are they 2 feet too long, but the hips hang down to my mid-thigh, We PCOS girls with the tiny arms and legs and the giant barrell torsos need something that is smaller. THe mini-skirts are great – because their idea of a mini-skirt is a below the knee item in me. They make everything for the tall and shapely 5’8-10″ set. My dear friend who is a 6’@” girl and plus can’t get anything long enough! Clearly there is a distinct lack of understanding by clothing designers on what real plus girls need. We have shape and height challenges, but that doesn’t mean we want to wear a moo-moo either. Have you tried Torrid? They have some nice jeans. The only one I know of is at the Newington Mall near Portsmouth NH but there must be more around. I have a pari of their Source of Wisdom jeans I like.

    There was nothing cool for me to wear in school when I was a teen – I was in a small town – I was actually mistaken for a student teacher because I was so adult dressed due to a total lack of choices. Ugh.

    Just remember, you dance, and you have Geisha Moth clothes, so you are the COOLEST of the cool!

  3. jenn ski says:

    I hit up one near Laconia, NH last summer. The store was filled with grandmas, and everything in the store was so old looking. I remember going 3 years ago and picking up some cute tops, what happened…

    Forever 21 has plus sizes now 1x-3x
    http://www.forever21.com/category.asp?catalog_name=FOREVER21&category_name=faith_main&Page=1

  4. […] like clothing vendors have NO standardization for sizing, and therein lies the problem. See “Open Letter to Lane Bryant” then insert store name where I said LB! […]

  5. […] sizes!! This weekend I decided I needed some summer clothes. I went to the dreaded fat shop (LB) and low and behold…they had cute clothes! Holy shit. Miracles happen […]

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