I’ve always heard that the stories you tell about your past will predict your future. I don’t think that’s entirely true. I was thinking about my past history with food last night, while tossing and turning. Why was our relationship so unhealthy? (me and food). Why did I turn to food for comfort, entertainment etc? I’m not sure. I still cannot pin-point the moment when food trumped the life I had. I have a great family, I’ve always had friends and I was good student….I don’t know how food got it’s hold on me at such a young age – and why I couldn’t shake it.
Two stories come to my mind that are mortifying in hindsight, but say a lot about the person I was. I think it’s important to remind yourself where you’ve been, it helps you focus on where you want to be. In my case it also reminds me that when I have kids, I will do my damnedest not to let food rule their lives.
I was 7 or 8 and playing a friend’s house after school. Said friend was super athletic, and a dancer. Her mom offered us two snacks – carrots and dressing or a Twix bar. Guess which I chose? Sigh. Now, to be fair I still hate carrots unless they’re cooked and cut into tiny pieces and hidden in something like rice. But, what 8-year-old chooses candy over carrots?! This guy….(points).
The second story was when I was 14. My first “real job” (that wasn’t babysitting or the library) was at a grocery store as a cashier. I was working the after school shift and during my dinner break I went outside to eat. Did I buy something sensible for dinner? Nope. I bought a bag of candy. As I walked outside – there was my mom. She is a fabulous cook and had brought me a Tupperware container with dinner that she just heated up. I’ll never forget the look on her face when she saw the candy. I wasn’t a child. I knew better. I had clearly chosen junk over something good for me. :-\
I don’t dwell on times when I was picked on at school or in the “real world” because frankly – that’s just not healthy. When I hear someone say they remember every insult they receive, I chuckle in my head. If I remembered every bad thing someone had said to me, I’d have a book the size of Rhode Island. Life’s too short to dwell on the past. Let it go!
I read a great quote earlier this week: “What other people think of you is none of your business…”
However, why am I hanging on to all the times I was disappointed in myself or someone I loved by choosing food?! It seems silly.
I’ve made mistakes. You don’t get to be 424 pounds without having a slew of food blunders in your past. But, on the flip-side – you don’t lose 90 pounds in a year by making the same mistakes. I’ve changed, I’ve grown as a person. I don’t chose candy over chicken and rice. I don’t know the last time I’ve eaten a Twix bar…but it’s been at least 5 years.
I think in order to have the successful year I hope to have, I need to make peace with my past. I have made terrible food choices in the past. I’ve eaten things that were absolutely awful for me….and I have the ass to prove it. But, 2011 is a new year, with new opportunities to succeed. I’m not aiming for perfection – but I am shooting high.
“Food” might not like my new attitude, but I don’t really care. Food isn’t the boss of me, at least not anymore! 🙂
I’m leaving you with something funny. Who can resist a ninja cupcake?!