Sparkly & Slimming….a Weight Loss Blog

Samantha's journey to slim down, while remaining sparkly!

Overcoming Fears…

on March 9, 2011

We are just 3 days away from the bellydance event of the year in New England (if you’re my FB friend you are hella sick of my posts by now, and I apologize)! Of course, I am talking about the fundraiser I co-host for the Jimmy Fund, Shimmies V. It’s a day of dancing, friends, fun, family…all around  amazingness. Of course, the week leading up to it is always INSANE. Last night Rach and I met up for dinner and to do some last-minute prep. We got to talking and she left around 11pm. I seriously considered staying up to watch “Biggest Loser” (I’m dying to see the fall-out from last week’s red team debacle!).

But, I considered the busy day I had ahead of me….and chose bed instead. (I never choose bed!).

Lying in bed thinking about the event, and the 500 things on my to-do list I was suddenly super-panicky. I plan to dance, and there are people from my “regular life” coming. (Regular life = non-dance. College friends, work friends, whatever).  What if I SUCK? What if I forget my music? What if I completely embarrass myself?!

Those panicky thoughts kept me awake for two hours! (Side note: I could have watched BL afterall….dammit!).

I don’t know why but anytime I’m worried about something, I immediately factor my weight into the equation. I’m nervous to dance, and then suddenly  I’m nervous because I’m fat. Will the audience be judging me? Will they think “Get that girl off the stage!”. GAH. It’s insane. It’s also EXHAUSTING. Thinking about the consequences of being fat should somehow allow you to burn extra calories. 🙂

This morning I decided I am NOT going to torture myself. I am going to dance. If I eff up, so be it. Oh, and I am going to be SUPER brave and get video that I can post to my blog (just for you Marta!). I have fabulous new Geisha Moth pants, and a hella catchy Bassnectar song picked out…I can and will own this!

For reference – fabulous pants:

Hella catchy song:

I realized that so often in my life I let my fears of what COULD happen paralyze me and I fail to “show up” for my own life.  I can’t tell you how many times I have not performed when scheduled (even at my own events!) or not gone to a party because I might be the fattest person in the room. Etc. Etc.

Fear can paralyze you – but only if you let it.

I’m leaving you with a double dose of fabulous quotage, and will happily take any other mantras you want to send my way! 🙂

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves ‘who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?” — Marianne Williamson

and


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7 responses to “Overcoming Fears…

  1. sara says:

    Samantha…..the most important “opinion” in that room on saturday is your own. that’s the only one that matters. You will shine as long as you dance from your heart, forget about people’s “judging” and know that its important not only to dance- but to also be SEEN dancing by other people. Let them honor you and give their attention. YOU deserve it. Love you. ❤

  2. Aleksie says:

    I won’t be making it (major paper due that day!), but I’m sure you’ll be excellent and when it’s all over, you’ll be like “I wanna go again!”

    Have fun!

  3. Cecilia says:

    As someone who’s watched you dance, I thoroughly enjoy watching you! As an audience member, I can feel your love for the dance 🙂

    I know how you feel, though..with all those negative thoughts. But I think it’s one of those things where if your friend was saying the same thing, you would have the perfect advice…but it’s always more difficult to apply that to yourself! I know that feeling all too well.

    love that first quote!

  4. Hyetti says:

    *grinning ear-to-ear*Sam, you’d be VERY surprised to know all the pros who STILL dance freaked or scared. Here’s my mantra:
    Feel the fear and do it anyway!!!

  5. Amazing post! I know what you mean about fear stopping you from doing things, only I didn’t realize it until after I lost my weight. I unconsciously let it stop me from doing things. My husband would want to go out with his work friends (all skinny) and they’d pick some corner with tons of chairs in it, but hard for larger people (fat people like me) to maneuver. I finally just stopped going and came up with reasons not to go. As I lost weight I would ask him, “hey, are they doing anything tonight?” I realized that I let my being fat shadow my out-going nature. Glad to see you recognizing your fears and conquering them; bravery at its highest level! Good luck on the dance!!!

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