I consider myself a “happy” person on the whole. Oh sure, I have days where I just want to crawl back into bed and hide under the covers – but overall I am an eternal optimist. Monday I posted a FB status of “Monday morning mantra is: “No one is in charge of your happiness but you.” and I got a funny email that prompted today’s blog post. A friend of mine who we’ll call Penny has been struggling with her weight for as long as I have known her. She has about 100 pounds to lose and it finding it impossible to stay on track. Her note was: “hey. like the status but I have to ask – are you honestly happy? how can you be happy when you have so much more to lose? my weight just depresses me”.
Now, I can see where the amount of weight I still have to lose could be depressing (125-150 more pounds)….but I choose not to look at it that way. I try my best every day to focus on what I have accomplished (111 pounds lost!) and how much stronger/healthier I feel. I know I will have bad days/weeks where sticking with this will be a struggle, but I think if I approach life with a “glass half-full” attitude, things are more likely to work out in my favor.
Do I have the perfect life? Of course not. No one’s life is perfect. Do I love a lot of things about my life? Heck yes. I have an amazing family, kickass friends and a cooler job as far as jobs are concerned. I live in a world where I am free to speak to mind, and explore and grow. So, overall I would say I’m on the “up” if you will.
I am approaching my lowest adult weight (that I can remember) – 295. I should be excited to get under 300, but I’m scared as hell. When I was at that weight, I was miserable. I was living my life to be someone else – and hated the results. As it nears, I keep reminding myself of this quote: “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, not a second-rate version of someone else” – Judy Garland.
The big difference between that time in my life and now is I am happy on the inside. Most of my early twenties were spent envying everyone around me, and wishing I could somehow “poof” myself into thin and pretty. I was a mess on the inside – and it showed on the outside. Somewhere along the way I learned that I need to start loving myself, because I can’t expect the world to love me if I don’t love myself, can I? 🙂
So, while I might be scared of failing, I am going to do my best to stay positive and push forward.
I caught up on “Ruby” over the weekend and I was sad to see that she was gaining weight, and lying to herself and her support system about it. I’ve been there – I know how awful it is to admit to yourself that you failed….but if you don’t face reality, you can’t fix it. Every time I watch the show I think “She sure seems happy but I don’t think she is….I think it’s a front for the camera.”If she was happy wouldn’t she want to continue succeeding at her weight loss? Wouldn’t she push herself to try new things instead of making excuses?
At the end of the day, your life is what you make it. I chose to make mine happy – despite currently being 311 pounds. Society may think I’m crazy, but I’ve been called worse! 😉