I have a serious problem with my mind wandering lately. I’m always either thinking about what needs to get done, thinking about how I could have done things differently in the past or thinking about random nonsense that clogs up my brain. I cannot seem to find mental clarity – especially when I’m exercising.
Thursday night barre I was a wandering fool. I could not stay focused and I joked that the barre owned me. Saturday morning was the same. I was in overdrive. Here’s a snippet of the noise: “Is that girl looking at me? She probably thinks it’s insane someone so fat is doing this. She might be right….I am twice the size of anyone in this class! GAH. Why can’t I ever stay on my toes during chair? What’s wrong with me? Why are my legs so funny shaped? Stupid cankles….”
The whole hour was pretty much a repeat of that. I left feeling really defeated. I hate that I can’t focus on myself and the moment. I hate that I am always worrying about and hypothesizing over other people. Every time I think I’ve conquered that part of me….it comes back and kicks me in the ass. I wish I could take a class without mirrors. I really feel like they get me into my head and spinning out like a top.
Thank you Buddha, easier said than done!!
How do you clear your mind and refocus? Do you think it’s possible to ever get to a state of zen and stay there?
Before Sunday’s class I said to myself “Focus on you, stay in the moment and don’t let your mind wander“. My plan was to grab Stasia and snag a spot in the back row. My favorite place! Alas I was foiled…I saw Steph and got to chatting – by the time we got in the room the only 2 spots next to each other were up front. YAYYYY ! I wasn’t thrilled. But, it helped. I thought about why I was there ~ I looked at myself in the mirror and focused on muscles – not fat. I didn’t stare at my chubby biceps – I stared at my emerging collar bones. In my head I heard Jo saying “Think about why you’re here”.
After class I got to spend some time with Stasia (it’s nice having fit dates with friends!). We both agreed this summer we are going to find fit activities to do together – hiking, canoeing etc. Thinking about how much farther I will be in 2-3 months really motivates me to find fun activities and try them! That said, I need to find a way to conquer my inner doubt.
Any suggestions? How do I get out of my own head and out of my own way??