I have a serious problem with my mind wandering lately. I’m always either thinking about what needs to get done, thinking about how I could have done things differently in the past or thinking about random nonsense that clogs up my brain. I cannot seem to find mental clarity – especially when I’m exercising.
Thursday night barre I was a wandering fool. I could not stay focused and I joked that the barre owned me. Saturday morning was the same. I was in overdrive. Here’s a snippet of the noise: “Is that girl looking at me? She probably thinks it’s insane someone so fat is doing this. She might be right….I am twice the size of anyone in this class! GAH. Why can’t I ever stay on my toes during chair? What’s wrong with me? Why are my legs so funny shaped? Stupid cankles….”
The whole hour was pretty much a repeat of that. I left feeling really defeated. I hate that I can’t focus on myself and the moment. I hate that I am always worrying about and hypothesizing over other people. Every time I think I’ve conquered that part of me….it comes back and kicks me in the ass. I wish I could take a class without mirrors. I really feel like they get me into my head and spinning out like a top.
Thank you Buddha, easier said than done!!
How do you clear your mind and refocus? Do you think it’s possible to ever get to a state of zen and stay there?
Before Sunday’s class I said to myself “Focus on you, stay in the moment and don’t let your mind wander“. My plan was to grab Stasia and snag a spot in the back row. My favorite place! Alas I was foiled…I saw Steph and got to chatting – by the time we got in the room the only 2 spots next to each other were up front. YAYYYY ! I wasn’t thrilled. But, it helped. I thought about why I was there ~ I looked at myself in the mirror and focused on muscles – not fat. I didn’t stare at my chubby biceps – I stared at my emerging collar bones. In my head I heard Jo saying “Think about why you’re here”.
After class I got to spend some time with Stasia (it’s nice having fit dates with friends!). We both agreed this summer we are going to find fit activities to do together – hiking, canoeing etc. Thinking about how much farther I will be in 2-3 months really motivates me to find fun activities and try them! That said, I need to find a way to conquer my inner doubt.
Any suggestions? How do I get out of my own head and out of my own way??
I save inspirational quotes I find online for a rainy day, like today (not actually raining…quite sunny, but you catch my drift). Here are today’s gems:
“There are only two options regarding commitment. You’re either IN or you’re OUT. There’s not such thing as life in-between.”
~ Pat Riley
Love them both! This is my life and I’m going to do the best I can every day to work towards happiness and healthiness. Is that a word? Well it is now. As for committing, that quote is absolutely right on. I blogged on Monday that I was going to stick to a schedule for the week of exercising and eating. I’m really pleased to report that not only am I sticking to it – but I’m doing MORE than I committed to! Yesterday I worked from home because I woke up with a migraine. I decided that going to the gym on lunch couldn’t hurt – so I did. I busted out 35 mins of circuits that left me exhausted. Nice! Last night my bro and I went to the gym again and I did cardio along with a dumb-bell routine I got from Bob Harper. Today I am HELLA sore….but I don’t care. It’s good sore. It’s the delicious “I worked my muscles so hard they are still crying” feeling!
I’m going back to the gym tonight for some biking and then some drilling at home with my beloved Zoe Jakes DVD. (Although if the weather is nice after work I may opt for a walk in the grave yard instead). I’m feeling much more motivated and ready to kick ass lately and I think it’s because I made a date with myself. I wrote down what I wanted to accomplish each day, and if I don’t do it I only have myself to blame. There’s something very powerful about accepting your involvement in your fate. So often in my past I have idly stood by and said “Oh I guess I can’t lose weight…I guess this isn’t working”. That’s bullshit and we both know it. If I want this (and I do!) then I have to work for it, every single day.
My BFF Jewels mentioned a book awhile back called “Write it Down, Make it Happen“, I read it and enjoyed it but I didn’t ever implement it into my life. Now I am (without realizing it!). I wrote down my goals and I am working towards them each day. I’m applying this to my professional life too. Writing down what I want to accomplish this year then writing down what it will take to get there. This is all very similar to the Circles activity from a few months back (also from Jewels – thanks girl!).
Are you guys writing down what you want? Do you know how to get there?
So, we’ve been hit by yet another storm here in New England. I’m sick of snow! I’m also sick of being stuck in the house. It’s so hard to not snack all day….the fridge is 10 feet away! Sigh. I’ve been trying hard to focus on vacation and being at my goal weight this year, but the weather gets in the way.
When I’m working from home all I want to do is snack, sleep, snack, sleep!
My good friend, and Photoshop expert Tyler made me this amazing collage to help keep me on track. I’ve set it as my background for all 4 computers – and it’s actually helping! I have to remember that I have vacation and a photoshoot with my best friend and the AMAZING Pixie Spindel coming up in May. Pixie is *the shit* if you will. Her photos rock, and that’s her on my college with the red hair! 🙂 In addition I have the Tufts woman 10K in October, and our charity event, Shimmies in March! I have so many amazing reasons to stay on track – I need to a visual reminder to keep them in the foreground!
Collage made by Tyler Schoonmaker - he rocks!
I’ve also begun what I have dubbed “Operation Cankle Be Gone“. For those of you who don’t know, a cankle = calf+ ankle joined together. I have had cankles for as long as I can remember and they are ruining my life. Oh sure I recognized how annoying they were when I couldn’t rock capris or pedal pushers during the summer – but this winter they have been especially annoying. I cannot find a single pair of winter boots to fit me. Sure they make wide calf…but not wide cankle! They don’t account for the portion of the population that has fat ankles too. 😦
So, my plan for ridding myself of cankles is lots of hardcore cardio – uphill “slogs” on the treadmill, wearing my Sketchers shape-ups and doing lots of ballet calf raises! Anyone have any other suggestions?
Since I love a visual:
I have these exact shoes…maybe this summer I can actually rock them?!