Self-Reflection Sunday (moved to Monday….)

Happy Summer!

Hope everyone had a kickass long weekend. I certainly did. Grilling, sunshine, sleeping late, family time, friends and 5 barre classes in 4 days! BAM.

So I wanted to make “Self-Reflection Sunday” a feature here in the little piece of the interwebz…but it was a long weekend and this is the first time I’ve booted my laptop since Friday. I think I needed the break. I love my job, but sometimes it’s all-consuming. I’m on my Blackberry until midnight, I’m responding to emails until wee hours of the morning. I needed to disconnect and reclaim my life and my free time. I’m happy to say this weekend I did that!(Sidenote: my boss always yells at me for working as much as I do – this is self-imposed not work-imposed obsession, LOL).

I also took time to clean out my iPod, added more motivational songs for the gym and got rid of those songs that reminds me of people I don’t know anymore. It’s funny how places, smells, songs etc. have associations (more on my crazy food associations later). Then I sat here recapping my weekend in my had. Saturday I had a major meltdown concerning this body of mine. It sounds silly in hindsight, but I kept thinking about how great I’ve been doing with food ~ and how many things I’ve given up – why aren’t I a size 10 yet dammit!? Why don’t I have one body part that wants to cooperate with summer clothes?! (No capris, I have cankles – STILL, no sleeveless tops – bat wings, no dresses for a while until my stomach pooch flattens). Gah. I wish for every healthy meal you ate or kickass workout you endured one bad decision was erased from your past. Wouldn’t that be amazing?! Nerds friends, please work on this concept for me and see if you can invent a machine. I’ll be the beta tester.

Luckily I have a very rational and supportive support system (thanks this week to Mom, Derek and Stasia) I was talked off the ledge. Let’s be perfectly frank here -  I haven’t been kicking this much ass all along. I spent months half-assing it and making excuses. I can’t expect perfection overnight….I didn’t get fat overnight (though sometimes I swear to god it feels like it!). I don’t think I ever realized how big I was at my heaviest. It didn’t dawn on me that I was rotating out the same 6 outfits over and over. Now that I’m exploring the massive clothing collection I have I’m surprised to discover things I’ve never worn fit – score! Things from last year fit MUCH better this year – double score! I am making progress, it’s just not as fast as I want. I think some of it is my impatience and some of it is the “but I didn’t go to Bagel world and have a sesame toasted bagel with scallion cream cheese and a huge mocha iced coffee today – shouldn’t I have lost 5 pounds just for being awesome?” mentality. I feel better without that damn bagel, I know I do….I just wish I could have the bagel and the svelte body of my dreams!

Saturday I did a double with Jo – which killed for the record – and burned 1313 calories! I snapped a picture on my way out:

On Facebook my caption was “Goodbye 1313 calories, hello collar bones! Please, stay a while”. Looking at that picture I see progress. I see determination. I see strength. Sidenote: I need to take more full-length pictures for comparison later!

So, I’m over my hissy fit and moving forward. Dust yourself off and all that jazz. Time for some Sunday Self-Reflection questions!

What is the top priority in your life right now? 

It’s a tie – weight-loss/health and enjoying my life as much as possible. I’m trying to focus on little things that make my day (like seeing old fiends who “get me” or spending my calories wisely on a well-deserved treat). I’m having conversations about where I want to be with people (rather than keeping it to myself). I’m making lists of things to try (like a 5K or hiking or surfing) as I reach different milestones. I’m planning for a kickass future.
What are the biggest actions you can take now to create the biggest results in your life?

As much as it pains me to say it ~ just keep swimming. Oh and get some cardio in. LOL. I finally found my perfect exercise routine, perfect support system and perfect calorie allotment – now I just have to keep at it and trust myself. It’s nice to know I’m where I’m supposed to be, I just wish I had figured it out sooner!
How are you feeling today?

So glad I didn’t write this a few days ago…haha. Today I am awesome. I worked out, spent time with my Mom and Stasia, saw barre friends, spent some time alone and got ready for a lovely 3 day work-week before a weekend away. Yay! Ready for a little fun in the sun.

Quote of the week:

Cheers to a nice, short work week!

Celebrating Non-Scale Victories

I used to focus a lot on “NSV” or Non-Scale Victories. I feel like I haven’t blogged about them in a while.  Lately I’ve kind of abandoned the scale all together (except for bi-monthly weigh-ins) in favor of measurements and “The Jeans Test”. I started my love affair with barre n9ne last summer via virtual classes, but I didn’t commit to in-person classes until March 1st. Here I am 12 weeks later and I’ve lost 29.5 inches overall. That’s over 2 feet! Holy mackerel. At this rate I will be like 11 feet less Samantha once I’m done. LOL!

Lately things seem different. I feel stronger ~ and closer to the people in my life who I love. I’ve been making fitness dates a priority with friends (shout-outs to Stasia and Christine!). I’ve made new fitness friends (shout-outs to Amanda and Lindsay!) I’ve had gym sibling time with my bro ~ and we’ve made it a habit to take trips to Whole Foods for snacks. What’s more delicious then fruit cups, plantain chips and home-made peanut butter?! Nothing.

I bought a FitBit. Super excited to use it. I have no idea what I’m doing yet….but if you have one and want to friend me my handle is sheissparkling.   (Sidenote: I think it’s full of shit. It claims I burned 867 calories in class. That seems high! Whatever, I’m mostly interested in steps).

So besides inches lost, new toys and strengthened bonds with those I love what else am I celebrating?

New clothes in smaller sizes!! This weekend I decided I needed some summer clothes. I went to the dreaded fat shop (LB) and low and behold…they had cute clothes! Holy shit. Miracles happen everyday.

I bought not one but TWO dresses…..both in a size 22. I have no idea if your dress size is usually smaller than your pants size (currently in between a 24 and 26 in dress pant and jeans) – but buying 2 items in a size 22 made my heart soar. Not to mention – hi, DRESSES? Yes. Dresses. I haven’t worn a dress since……2004? Probably. Before that it was prom. I never liked dresses. Now, I just might be coming around to them!

DKNY Tie-Dyed Maxi Dress. LOVE!

and

Strapless maxi dress w/ funky bottom!

Pretty huh? I’m excited to accessorize them ~ and rock them at work/parties/dinners this summer.

My last NSV to share today is on finding yourself – and redefining who you are. I feel like you know what your career is, you know what your sign is and you know what your favorite things are – but those don’t define you necessarily. They describe you. Lately I feel in tune with myself. I “get” me. I feel like I realize what I want in a relationship, in a future, in a life. Everything seems really crystal clear. I think this mental clarity has come from opening up to people about how I’m feeling (be it my mom, Jewels, etc) – being honest with what I’m afraid of and knowing that while I don’t have all the answers – I don’t need them either. People are in my place in my life right now to help mold and shape me for my future. I might not see it at the time – but everything has been set in motion to help me succeed. It’s pretty awesome when you step back and think about it!

“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

One of my all-time favorite quotes. :0)

Breakdown; Break Open; Break-through!

When you set out to lose 200+ pounds, no one tells you how hard the emotional battle will be. You hear about calories and workouts and motivation….but no one talks about the downright shitty side to shedding weight – dealing with the emotions that led you to 425 pounds in the first place.

In the past few weeks I’ve been “in my head” a lot more than usual. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night flooded with terrible fat memories I’ve suppressed (embarrassing moments – awful things people said to me) and next thing I know, I’m in tears. I’ll go through cycles during the day where I think I can’t succeed – I’ll never TRULY accomplish my goals of being healthier and thinner. I’ll berate myself in my head in the mirror at barre – or at the gym. I will just generally beat myself up about where I am at this moment – and how far I still have to go.

Breakdown! Like woah.

Finally two nights ago I had a moment where everything seemed crystal clear. This journey happened in this order for a reason. All my past attempts at weight-loss were not for naught….they just weren’t the right path. Today I eat real, healthy, natural food. I make good choices. I don’t have dessert every night. I don’t eat processed crap. I trust my number. I move my ass. I work to make my muscles sore and it feels amazing. I am stronger than my failures. I am more than the sum of my mistakes. I am awesome. I CAN do this!

Break open! Honestly, it feels good to get past the point of  “OMFG what am I doing?!” and into acceptance. I am where I am for a reason, and it’s my job to continue working hard.

I feel like losing weight is a lot like moving your house. You’re forced to finally clean out those closets you’ve been stuffing for years….and come to terms with the clutter, baggage and “things you left behind” in pursuit of happiness (or something shiny as the case may be). As I lose weight and transform into this new person I have to confront the stuff I’ve been hiding for so long. I have to face why I was a closet binger. I have to face why I would lie to myself (and everyone in my life) about my weight. I have to confront the things that are icky and unpretty. I have to clean the cobwebs out of my life and prepare for the next leg of the journey. I think it’s just going to get harder – think about it….soon I’ll be able to jog. Once I can jog I’ll lean down my body even faster. Once I’m even smaller I’ll be able to shop at stores regular people shop at. Oh and ya know what? I’ll be able to put myself out into the big, scary dating market and find my potential future husband.

Fuck.

That all sounds really uncomfortable and overwhelming. I’ve said it before and I’ll stay it again….it’s easier to stay fat. It’s easier to hole up in my cocoon and never see the world for all it has to offer. Call me crazy – but there is security in fatness. Staying fat is the safe option.

Break-through! As Bob Harper once said – you’re going to have to get uncomfortable if you want to move forward. 

Yes, it’s true – my breakthrough came with cute quotes and songs. What can I say, I’m a sucker for Hallmark moments!In all seriousness – I realized that while those new challenges and adventures scare the bejesus out of me….it’s good to be scared. Fear can be liberating. Fear can help propel you forward. My friend Tyler once told me all the best moments lie in the minute right before you jump in the deep end. It’s true. You’re scared to death….but then you float to the top and it wasn’t as bad as you expected!

Here’s to hoping this emotional roller coaster I’ve been on for the last few weeks fuels the next leg of my journey.

Also , kudos to Kris Carr for the process: breakdown —> break open —> BREAK-THROUGH!

 

 

Self-Reflection Sunday

I can’t believe I went a week in between posts! I had been doing good about queuing up 3-4 things I could publish during the week. Sorry.

Things you may have missed: I joined a walking club at work with some of my fabulous co-workers (Greg, Kate, Christine, Tyler, Steve, Pat, Jason and Sonia) – our team name is All Your Steps Are Belong To Us….#AYSABTU. Look for it trending all over Twitter. Haha. Also I had my half way mark weigh-in/measurements with Tanya this week. Guess what? In 30 days I am down 13 inches over – THIRTEEN!!! Eff yeah. I also lost 6 pounds. Honestly, I’m more excited about the inches. Pounds will come with time. Can’t wait to see how the end of challenge looks! I’m addicted.

After my last post on losing focus and not living in the moment….I spent the weekend busy with work/plans and missed 3 – yes THREE barre n9ne workouts. Insert super sad face here. Sometimes life just gets in the way. Sunday night I got in a funk – and thought about Jess’s post on self-reflection. I decided to read through the  manifesto and seriously consider where I used to be and where I want to be.

I’ll give you some of the answers I gave myself to the questions above….I’d love to hear yours if you’re so inclined to share!

Where are you living right now – the past, the present or the future? Oh it depends on the day, LOL. I’d say mostly the present…but I do harp a lot on the past (in my head) and I worry a lot about the future. Are the choices I make today setting me up for success in the future? I hope so!

Are you putting parts of your life on hold?  Yes. I didn’t even have to think about that one. I’m not dating – or putting myself out there. Part of me wants to and part of me just isn’t ready for rejection based on my size. I was telling a friend just last night all the active things I can’t do – hiking, biking, canoeing….he told me I was making excuses ~ but truthfully I’m just not in shape to do physical activities with my friends. I hope I will be able to do some this summer.I hate that I can’t live the life I want because of poor decisions I made in the past. I wish it was easy to lose weight and hard to gain – instead of the reverse!

What are the biggest things you’ve learned in life to date? One of my favorite quotes is “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.” That it does. With or without you….life goes on. I think as I turned 30 I realized there was no such thing as perfect and not everything in life was fair. I also hold firm to the belief that everything happens for a reason….even if you can’t see that reason at the time.

What would you do if you cannot fail, if there are absolutely no limitations in money, resources, time or networks? I love this question, because I think about it before I go to bed all the time. What would I do? First and foremost I would buy the company I work for – and clean house. Bring in people who make a difference- promote people who are already doing this and get the whole company aligned for awesomeness. That takes care of career. Onto family – I’d pay off all my debt and my loved ones debt (school loans, car loans, credit cards, mortgages) – BAM, fresh starts all around. Then I would travel. See every place in the world I’d ever wanted to go – with friends and family in tow. Paris with Mom and Christine D. (because she speaks French!), Italy girls trip with Jewels, Ash, Kate + company (good wine, good food, good friends), Australia (with my friend O who has been a few times), Spain, Morocco, Bora Bora, Brazil (with my brother), Drive cross country (with Layne!) and see every place and anyplace I could. I would truly become a world-traveler. I would meeting new people ~ explore cultures unlike my own and try things I’ve never tried. But, before I did that I would literally spend 6 months getting myself int0 the most amazing shape I can. Barre classes, Barre luxe sessions, Cardio sweat fests – I’d hire Tanya, Julianna, Jess and Jo as my personal army of trainers! (Ladies, you would be my dream team!).  Man I love dreaming about this!

Now, how can I do that within the restraints of my own budget/time/life? I can go to Paris with Mom – I just have to plan it. I can drive partway cross country at some point and I can try new things. Every day. Like today at Whole Foods when I bought Cojita Cheese and Mahi Mahi – just to try!

What is your ideal life? Career? Diet? Self? Look? Life Partner? What are you doing to achieve them? Life? Healthy, happy, successful and fulfilled. Career – honestly as cheesy as it sounds I feel like this vein of work I’m in now is my perfect career. I manage customers, I still have lots of human interaction but I’m still technical and I get to travel but not too much. Diet? One with less “treats” then have currently snuck into my diet! Back to healthy fruits, veggies, leans proteins and only the occasional treat. Look? My current cute face – with a super sexy, sleek bob (dying for this cut once I hit a milestone of 199), wearing funky yet stylish clothes and accessories purchased anywhere but the “plus size section”! (Side rant: why do we call it “Plus”? It’s not something better. Like “Juice PLUS Antioxidants”….I hate the word Plus). Life Partner? Ah, something else I fantasize about a lot. I don’t have a “look” – but I do have things I’m attracted to (light eyes, taller than me, smart as hell, witty, funny, conversational, good hugger) and I would like this person to be health-minded and career driven. I know where I’m going – you’re going to need to get with this if you want to stay! Now for the tough part- what am I doing to achieve those things? Focusing on me – eating my number, getting barre classes in and getting my steps in. Spending my time more wisely – choosing to see/talk to a friend rather than watch TV. Spending time with people I love more. As for what I’m doing to find my life partner…..honestly? Nothing. I need to work on that – when I’m ready.

I loved this activity. Next Sunday I might need to chose different questions and see where I’m at.Read through it – I’d love to hear how you felt about certain questions. Oh and if you’re in the mood for a novel this summer that’s a light read, pick up “Coffee and Kung Fu” by Karen Brichoux. One of my favorite books of all times. I will leave you with my favorite quote, one that has stuck with me for nine years.

“The moment isn’t a piece of time; it’s a question. The moment comes when you look up and see your life stretching out for seventy more years. And there, in front of you, like a giant roadblock, is the question: Is this life good enough for the next seventy years? But maybe that’s the easy question. The next logical question–Can I live like this?–is the killer. Because it isn’t a yes or no kind of question. It’s a do or die kind of question.”

Think About Why You’re Here….

I have a serious problem with my mind wandering lately. I’m always either thinking about what needs to get done, thinking about how I could have done things differently in the past or thinking about random nonsense that clogs up my brain. I cannot seem to find mental clarity – especially when I’m exercising.

Thursday night barre I was a wandering fool. I could not stay focused and I joked that the barre owned me. Saturday morning was the same. I was in overdrive. Here’s a snippet of the noise:  “Is that girl looking at me? She probably thinks it’s insane someone so fat is doing this. She might be right….I am twice the size of anyone in this class! GAH. Why can’t I ever stay on my toes during chair? What’s wrong with me? Why are my legs so funny shaped? Stupid cankles….”

The whole hour was pretty much a repeat of that. I left feeling really defeated. I hate that I can’t focus on myself and the moment. I hate that I am always worrying about and hypothesizing over other people. Every time I think I’ve conquered that part of me….it comes back and kicks me in the ass. I wish I could take a class without mirrors. I really feel like they get me into my head and spinning out like a top.

Thank you Buddha, easier said than done!!

How do you clear your mind and refocus?  Do you think it’s possible to ever get to a state of zen and stay there?

Before Sunday’s class I said to myself “Focus on you, stay in the moment and don’t let your mind wander“. My plan was to grab Stasia and snag a spot in the back row. My favorite place! Alas I was foiled…I saw Steph and got to chatting – by the time we got in the room the only 2 spots next to each other were up front. YAYYYY ! I wasn’t thrilled. But, it helped. I thought about why I was there ~ I looked at myself in the mirror and focused on muscles – not fat. I didn’t stare at my chubby biceps – I stared at my emerging collar bones. In my head I heard Jo saying “Think about why you’re here”.

After class I got to spend some time with Stasia (it’s nice having fit dates with friends!). We both agreed this summer we are going to find fit activities to do together – hiking, canoeing etc. Thinking about how much farther I will be in 2-3 months really motivates me to find fun activities and try them! That said, I need to find a way to conquer my inner doubt.

Any suggestions? How do I get out of my own head and out of my own way??

Fit-spiration (times two)!

I was on a big kick for a while where I interviewed friends (and new friends!) who had lost weight. I loved hearing all about their transformations. My focus changed when I found Jess and Jolene and saw their complete dedication to fitness and health. These girls have Excel trackers for workouts! Who does that?! I had to learn as much as I could about them. I should also mention they are actually triplets – not twins (which I have mistakenly said in the past!). I have not met Jen yet but I know from Facebook she is married to a cutie, had a gorgeous daughter and just got her PhD! I’m sure she’s equally kickass!

I decided to interview Jess + Jo and share with you insight I found really valuable! I encourage you to check out both their blogs: Jess is EatDrinkBreatheSweat and Jo is DeterminedToBe.

This reminds me of them:

Away we go! Older sister first! By a mere 2 minutes! (Jess came first, 2 mins later Jen arrived then Jo was last).

Jessica:

I’m a PR, communications and social media pro by day, fitness fiend the rest of the time. I love, love, love to cook (usually in “throwdown” fashion with my husband!) and to entertain in my spare time. I’m also a huge wino, but anyone that follows me on twitter, Facebook or my blog knows that very well by now.

How was EatDrinkBreatheSweat born? What were you hoping to accomplish by blogging?

It started out as just my little corner of the Internet where I could share my love of fitness with whoever stumbled across my blog. In large part, I was following my sister’s lead – Jo had already been blogging for a while and I was so impressed with the community she built up around her blog and I wanted a community of my own where I could chat with like-minded people from all over the place. Who knew that over two years later, I’d have made some of the most incredible connections ever through blogging. Some of my closest friends are of the “blog” variety. I love it.

Were you healthy growing up? Were you involved in sports?

I actually wrote about this recently – where my passion for living a healthy and fit lifestyle stems from. In part, my upbringing certainly instilled those values in me, to choose healthy when possible, keeping ‘treats’ to just that – a treat, or special occasion thing versus an everyday thing. I didn’t always have the luxury of having healthy food at my fingertips though – from around middle school and into the start of high school we went through some tough times as a family where money was tight and spending an arm and a leg on healthy food wasn’t a priority. So we did our best during those years – choosing healthy when we could, making do the rest of the time. It was during that phase where I learned to really appreciate the sheer ability to choose healthy. It wasn’t always a ‘given’ at that point like it is today.

It’s funny – I actually didn’t play sports in school (unless you count one year of ice hockey – yes, ice hockey! – in middle school and one year of cheerleading, also in middle school!). I really didn’t get into physical fitness until high school when I started going to the gym here and there. I wasn’t very active even then though. I really didn’t appreciate fitness like I do today until well into my college years. It’s so interesting to me though – the evolution towards fitness being such an integral part of my life. Today I can’t even fathom not living an active lifestyle, yet I do remember back then that working out was very much a chore. Today it’s a gift, an honor, something I never take for granted. I love to move!

How have your attitudes towards fitness changed as an adult?

Oh, absolutely. Fitness is such an integral part of my life today. I cherish every chance I get to sweat, to move, to feel alive through fitness. It’s not a chore to me like it was back in school. My friends laugh when I say it but I truly LOVE to workout, love, love, love.

Was Scott active when you met? Did you guys bond over a love of running?

Oh yes, he’s always been an active guy. I distinctly remember when we first started dating, I laughed at one of his jokes and playfully tapped him in the chest (or maybe it was his stomach), and I was floored. He had a rock-hard body under all the layers of clothes he routinely wore to work (we met at Shaw’s where collared polyester shirts with hideous green sweatshirts were the dress code…<shudder>). I pretty much did an “arm pump” in my head when I realized that not only was this guy probably the nicest, kindest guy I’d ever met but he was HOT too.

But I digress (whoa, did I ever!). We used to go to the gym together – he’d lift weights while I did some cardio on the machines and then he’d help me lift weights too. We really didn’t start running seriously together until a few years ago (we attempted it in our first year or so of marriage but not very seriously). And now, some of our best “couple time” is spent on our rundates. We sometimes don’t even talk while we run, but just being there together, in those moments, such a bonding thing. And some of our convos, when we do decide to chat it up while running, have been the best ones ever. Not just catching up on our day but daydreaming the run away together (“if you could build our dream house, what would it look like” is a big rundate theme; another – dream vacations on our bucket list).

I think as someone who’s always been overweight I assumed for most of my life that only obese people had body issues – I now realize that’s very far from the truth! Did you ever have “body issues” growing up? If so how did you overcome them?

Even though I’ve never been considered “overweight” per se, I’ve always struggled to get to a happy weight, one that I could both maintain *and* one that left me with a body that I felt good about and good IN. As you know, this past year at barre n9ne has totally changed me, on the outside, sure, but on the inside even more so. I have never felt as confident and as happy and “me” as I do right this very minute. It’s a far cry from the “me” you would’ve met a year or two ago where I covered up my perceived imperfections in billowy blouses and only the most flattering cuts of clothes, I never ever wanted anyone to see those imperfections so I did my best to cover them. I’d stand a certain way to hide the (perceived) belly I had, or avoid any pictures that made my face look too round or “cheeky.” Most of my friends probably didn’t notice it all that much, bu I did. I felt self-conscious, uncomfortable being “me.”

Now I’m just happy. Happier than I ever remember being before. My husband probably notices it the most. He tells me all the time how much happier and comfortable I am, and how proud of me he is that I’ve finally accepted myself for me. Sometimes he knows just what to say, that boy.

What foods do you crave? How do you stay within your number and still enjoy them?

I love wine. Love, love, love. I also love our homemade pizza (it’s a known fact around our circle of friends that our homemade pizza is the best everrrrr). That to me, is a real treat of a meal. And the calories in that kind of meal really add up fast. So I plan for it. I don’t stress about it. I plan. I eat a lighter breakfast and lunch, or maybe a bigger breakfast and more of a “snacky” lunch that I spread out through the afternoon so I’m never ravenous. On a day like that, I might build out my food log starting with the “money items” (the pizza and the wine) and then I fill it in with my breakfast and lunch or snack choices for the day and see what will work best. It’s truly a tool for me, the food log – it helps me enjoy the foods that I love, in a smart and healthy way. Never deprived. Never having to say “no” to things that I love. Just planning ahead. Plain and simple.

Before you knew about the number system, did you track calories/points/something?

I loosely followed the weight watchers points system years ago and also did my own food log using the points system as my guide. I didn’t love it though. I hated that a banana had more points in it than a bunch of cool whip on top of jello – all filled with fake sugars and things, nothing real about it whatsoever, but I would regularly choose that stuff over real, wholesome, nutritious foods (like that banana!). I did that for a few years but never really saw much in the way of results. It did teach me about portion control, I’ll say that. But it was after learning about my “number” and sticking to it consistently during the week, on weekends, on vacation, etc., that I finally, FINALLY saw the results I was looking for all those years ago. And it’s totally a doable, forever lifestyle thing for me now. Totally second nature. My body has adjusted to the number and loves it.

What kinds of classes were you involved in (teaching or taking!) before barre n9ne?

I got certified to teach Group Kick (by Body Training Systems) about a year and a half ago and routinely took (and taught) those classes, plus spinning and weight lifting-style classes as well. I dabbled in taking barre classes at other studios now and then but not with any regularity. Everytime I went to a barre class though, I loved it. I guess I just never thought I’d be “good enough” at it to stick with it. It was such a challenge everytime I went, but I LOVED how I felt after. So “worked” yet “cleansed” if that makes any sense at all.

How did you find barre n9ne?

The credit on this one totally goes to my sister who saw a deal on Gilt for a 5-pack of classes. We were both psyched to see a barre studio in our area – we’d always had to drive into the city to take classes and it was never very convenient (and maybe that’s why I never got into it as regularly as I would’ve liked to!). My first class was actually April 25, 2011…and it was just a couple of weeks later that we entered and won the contest Tanya put on to find a spokesmodel for her studio, one that would go through her 60-day challenge program and be able to share, first-hand, how much of an impact it had on their lives. Little did I know how utterly transformative that process would be, or that a year later, I’d be in the place that I am today – so confident and happy in my own skin, strong and the most fit I’ve ever been in my entire life. For the first time, all the hard work, energy and effort I had been putting into fitness had finally paid off. In ways I never, ever thought was possible before.

 (In fact, I can’t wait to share my perspective on this past year when we hit the one-year mark since embarking on the challenge…it’s coming up on May 12^th!)

Jess on the left, Jo on the right in her signature pink!

When did you realize you wanted to be a b9 instructor?

It was when I hit my initial goal weight in November. NOT that weight was the defining factor for the success of the challenge for me (because it truly wasn’t), but because it was that moment when I realized that I had followed my goal all the way to the finish line. Not stopping halfway and thinking “ok, that’s good enough” – but taking it all the way to the finish. For the first time, I stepped on that scale and wasn’t afraid. And I looked in the mirror and legit liked the person staring back at me. No…I loved her. Finally. It was such a defining moment for me – and it was then that I realized how important it was that I pay that feeling forward by teaching. I am still so, so, so incredibly thankful for the opportunity to teach every single day.

From your blog I can tell you LOVE teaching (and from taking your classes I’ve seen it first hand!). What is your favorite part of leading a class?

I love being able to motivate clients to push through the shake and seeing the total and utter satisfaction on their faces when they complete a series at the barre, or a series of upper body work, and you can just tell that they’re mentally patting themselves on the back for powering through. I LOVE that.

I also love that I get to share this love of teaching with my sister. Even more fun that way!

Favorite move?

Chair! (it’s a love-to-hate move for me!)

Chair – my most dreaded move! LOL

Favorite barre n9ne moment (as a teacher or student!)?

As a teacher? Hearing a client say that they loved the butt-kicking they got from my class, or that they loved a particular move or series I included that day. It’s so much fun to hear those words…it’ll never get old for me, I’m convinced.

As a student? The first time I made it through an entire series of shoulder work with those evil gray balls during b9 fusion. I seriously wanted to jump up and down and arm-pump for pushing through. That – and the first time I made it through thigh dancing without stopping for a break.

You, Jo and Steph have “fit dates” – how did you start incorporating fitness and friendship? Was it a natural progression?

We actually trained to teach Group Kick together – that’s where we first met and became friends. So truly, our friendship has always been rooted in fitness. Steph Jo and I are like three peas in a pod –we totally “get” eachother and have such an awesome shared passion for fitness, good food and good wine (and vodka haha) that we seriously could spend everyday together and never get sick of it. We regularly have rundates, barre dates and any other kind of “date” we can drum up (pedi dates are fun!) – and usually our conversation somehow always circles back to barre n9ne and our ongoing love affair with the studio and the classes and the community. We are truly barre n9ne cult leaders!

How do you think traveling for work impacts your ability to stay “on” with your number/fitness routine?

It’s a challenge, for sure. But I’ve sort of made it into a fun challenge – figuring out the best options to bring with me on the plane and for my hotel room, packing up little snack packs before I go. And I always scope out the restaurants and things in and around the hotel so I’m armed and ready to make healthy choices. At the end of the day, I may not be able to log to my number exactly when I’m traveling, out of my element, with food choices not entirely in my control, but as long as I can make healthy choices, fit workouts in wherever I can (DVDs in my room, the hotel gym, run or barre dates with friends in the area I’m traveling to, etc.) and sleep as much as I can, I’m doing a-ok in my book. I’ve learned that I have to strive more for excellence when I travel vs. perfection. It’s just not realistic otherwise (and I’ll become a total head case if I try for perfection when out of my comfort zone!).

Lastly, what quote/ story sums up Jess for someone who’s never met you?

“Have no Limits Today” – per the Dove chocolate I opened right before New Years’ Eve this year. It’s become my mantra for 2012 and beyond. Take every day as a blessing, chase every dream you possibly can, run with every opportunity that comes your way, and own your days on this earth. That’s what I’m trying to live by, it’s what drives me, makes me the happy and super-passionate (if not dorky) person I am right now.

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Jolene:

Jess and Jo (in her signature pink barre shirt!)

I’m a PR and social media manager by day, secretly masquerading as equal parts wine lover, runner, barre-obsessed, traveling fiend. I live in Andover with my man (and two most-adorable cats who I swear, are part-dog), who I lovingly refer to as ‘M’ in shorthand, who I’m convinced was tailor-made for me and just me, in this world. He keeps me sane, balanced, makes me laugh, live and inspires me to push myself to the next level in everything that I do.

Growing up were you someone who loved healthy eating and enjoyed exercise? Did you play sports?

I purposely did not read my sister’s answers to any of these questions in advance (though I know some of them are different), but I would say that growing up, our mom instilled healthy eating habits in us and I would consider myself a ‘casual’ exerciser in high school, college and in my former marriage. I’d work out a few times a week, but I was also known to overcompensate on the other end of the spectrum and fall into the ‘well, I worked out today, so I can eat whatever I want.’ Um, no.

Sports? Ha, nope. I wish I did growing up, but tended to veer towards the arts (band, art programs etc), but did dabble in gymnastics for a short time.

How did your blogging adventure begin?

I started blogging originally about three years ago, as I started to go through separation and divorce from my (now) ex-husband. I used my former blog (that I have since ended) to chronicle my journey through divorce. I kept it as private as I could, as it was a cathartic journey for me, and about a year and a half ago, started my current blog Determined…To Be. (a runner, sister, lover, living a fit and happy life) to focus more on the journey I now live, well past divorce, into the ‘best life now’ that I am living, that’s filled with being the best me I can be, and honing my running, fitness, and barre-loving journey.  I have met so many incredible people since I started blogging, including YOU, and it’s been one of my most rewarding endeavors, in meeting ‘virtually’ and ‘in real life’ those that just ‘get’ me and that I ‘get’ in return, on so many levels.

I think as someone who’s always been overweight I assumed for most of my life that only obese people had body issues – I now realize that’s very far from the truth!  Did you ever have “body issues” growing up? If so how did you overcome them?

Absolutely. I was always very sensitive to weight as our sister Jen has had her fair share of ups and downs with weight and I always wanted to be supportive and help her in any way that I can. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have my own body issues. Body issues that I really had in earnest a year ago, (so perfect to be writing this on our one-year barre-oversary!!) and thus why I signed us up for the 60 day challenge contest – the best decision I ever made, in fact. I was at a point where I just tore myself apart, I’d nit-pick, and I’d compare myself incessantly to anyone and everyone. It was then that I knew I needed to just FACE these issues head-on, and the 60 day challenge really helped me do that. Seeing my measurements, seeing the areas I wanted to improve. And honestly, seeing that there were areas of my body that could use some, shall we say, ‘refinement.’ Tanya and Julianna and the barre n9ne family truly helped me push past the comparison and nit-picking and focus on the strength gains, refinement gains, and ultimately, some weight loss too.

What role did your sisters play in your self-esteem growing up? As triplets did people compare you (physically or otherwise) to each other?

There was some comparison, growing up, but mostly between our third sister and me and Jess, given she was heavier than we were, partially just by nature of her build. We have, and still are, each other’s biggest support team and cheerleaders and I think that definitely plays a huge part of building a strong self-esteem foundation. Having support, encouragement and motivation around you.

Had you ever taken/taught group exercise classes before?

Yes! Jess and I both taught Group Kick for about 6 months or so at a local gym. The training was pretty rigorous, but in comparison to barre n9ne, the biggest difference is how passionate I am about this approach vs. that one and how much I want to help barre n9ne clients push themselves, see strength gains and just enjoy each and every workout, getting the most of that hour that they possibly can. I tend to ask – why are you here? What got you here today? Focus on that. Focus on WHY you are working out. This is just such a natural class for us to teach, because we are both deeply passionate about it, we love the approach, and we stand behind it 110%.  We always joke that we are barre n9ne cult leaders…but honestly, it’s pretty darn true!!

What foods do you crave? How do you stay within your number and still enjoy them? 

Cheese! Wine! Chocolate! I just plan for these things. Staying within my number for the last year has become so much a part of my day, so natural, and ingrained, it is *almost* effortless. My body has completely adjusted to my number and that really helps me stay on track, focus on wholesome, satisfying and energizing foods, as well as the foods I love that may fall just outside that category. Like wine

Before you knew about the number system, did you track calories/points/something?

On and off. I’d done weight watchers for awhile, counting points and such. But it really never worked for me. Probably because I was still consuming far too many calories for my body. And I wasn’t consistent. I think consistency and staying at your number EVERY DAY and not just during the week is the ultimate key to this approach. Sounds simple, but it’s genius. It’s why I have finally seen the changes I have always wanted in my body.

How did you find barre n9ne?

Gilt Groupe! I got a 5 class package and Jess did too, and as they say…the rest is history

Looking at your life in the rear-view what would you say to yourself a year ago? How have your attitudes changed about your body?

Good question. I would say to trust that your body can do you think it cannot. It’s got a memory just like our brains. Trust that it can move, and it will. And trust yourself that change is possible. That habits can be refocused. And that going for the touchdown in life, and not just the field goal is absolutely the best, most rewarding feeling in the world.

Having taken your classes I can tell you love teaching! What is your favorite part of being a barre n9ne teacher?

I LOVE seeing the look on faces of those clients that have come for the very first time. Their reaction is just incredible to watch. They experience the hardest workout of their lives, one they never even saw it coming! This workout sneaks up on you and hits you with the best, most effective workout ever. It never gets old, that look, that excitement, and that challenge.

Favorite barre move? (You’re going to say blue ball….I know it!!)

Of course I will say the blue ball I LOVE chair with the ball, but am also quite partial to Tanya’s incredible side leg series in the Long and Lean Legs class!!

Favorite barre n9ne moment (as a teacher or student!)?

So many to choose from, honestly. First reaction to this question? Reaching my goal weight at the 6.5(ish) month mark. Realizing that my body is capable of something I never thought possible. Reshaping and refining.

And of course, teaching my very first class. What an adrenaline-filled rush. I will never forget it!

You were active when you met M, was that a quality you looked for in a partner? Do you share a love of fitness? Is he a healthy eater too?

Yes, absolutely! That was actually a pretty big deal-breaker for me when I was dating (we met on match.com!). I wanted someone that shared my passion for fitness, and if they liked to run, that was a double score. Luckily, M loves likes to run too, we even ran a half marathon together, and he is into healthy eating as well. In fact, after his divorce (another thing we share in common…our pasts), he lost 60 pounds and has kept it off ever since.

M and Jolene

You, Jess and Steph have “fit dates” – how did you start incorporating fitness and friendship? Was it a natural progression?

We met THROUGH fitness and it just sort of fit (we actually all taught Group Kick together!) and since Steph joined us at barre n9ne, we’ve truly become the best of friends. It’s an incredible friendship, I must say!

How do you think traveling for work impacts your ability to stay “on” with your number/fitness routine? 

This has been huge for me. I always plan ahead. I find a local barre studio, I make sure there is a gym nearby, I map out running routes, I bring any DVDs I may have with me, and when I was training to teach, I’d literally teach myself a barre n9ne class in my hotel room. Toss some bands in my luggage and I was good to go J

As for eating, I consider myself a pro at planning ahead for the flight and dealing with the three hour time difference in California, where I travel for work quite a bit (that time difference does a number on your appetite! Hungry all the time!). I bring chia, mini PB packets, oatmeal, fruit, 100 calorie nut packets, energy bars (Steph turned me on to Standard Process peanut butter protein bars, and they are delish! Nothing fake, all natural, 200 cals and 15g of protein!), and lots of water.

Lastly, what quote/ story sums up Jolene for someone who’s never met you?

These

“She believed she could, so she did”

When do you give up?

A friend of mine posted something on Facebook that sparked internal debate all day.

Question of the day: When do you give up?

My response was:

When you realize what you were fighting for isn’t something you want anymore.

However I’ve thought of all the reasons I’ve given up in the past: it was too hard, I didn’t see results fast enough, I thought I wasn’t worthy of the end goal, I doubted myself too much, I let someone talk me out of what I wanted….

I thought about how I focused on things that aren’t important any longer. I don’t NEED to be a Weight Watchers lifetime member (more on that here if you missed it). I don’t base my self-worth off the number on the scale. I gave up on those dreams – because they didn’t fit my life anymore. I mentioned before the idea of people leaving your life because they just don’t have a place in your future. I think dreams/goals/wishes are the same. Sometimes what you wanted at the moment isn’t what you want a year from now. I remember when I was 17 I wanted to get my eyeliner tattooed on my eye. Thank god I didn’t – I hate eyeliner now! I’ve never gotten a tattoo because I could never commit to something for more than a few months. My taste would change.

All that said, do I want to be healthy? Yes. Am I taking steps every day to attain that goal? Yes. Have I realized that sometimes as you get mid-project you have to readjust the expectations and the approach? Yes!

I’m taking a Project Management course at work an it’s been helpful not just for my day job, but also my life. Am I assessing the risk of the projects I take on? Do I have backup plans? Have I considered all possible outcomes? Nope.

I’m very much a “make a plan and stick to it” person – but that doesn’t always work in life or in projects. Things change, people change, situations have new dimensions added that you hadn’t thought of. How do you roll with it? Are you willing to refocus your efforts? Or do you throw in the towel and move on?

I’m very interested to hear what you guys have to say – when do YOU give up?

(not just in weight-loss – in anything. When is enough really enough?)

P.S. – According to the late, great Winston Churchill the answer is never.

 

 

Spring things, Excuses and Finding Motivation

Happy Monday everyone!

I had all sorts of lovely posts planned for last week – but the week ran away from me. So, I’ve compiled everything into one big post chock full of inspiration and pictures. (You guys know how much I love pictures!)

First and foremost – HELLO SPRING! So lovely to see you, please stay a while, will ya?

Dogwood trees as viewed from the sunroof!

Second – my love affair with barre n9ne has gone to the next level! Two weeks ago I took 6 classes in 5 days (insane I know!). This week I took 5 classes in 6 days. I am feeling so amazingly strong and motivated. It’s awesome!! I’ve tried 3 different classes and I love them all equally. Barre Method is the signature class Tanya created with weights + barre movements. Barre fusion is bands + balls (little squishy weighted balls) incorporated with barre exercises and b9 fusion is all bands, balls and body resistance. Thursdays have become my “double” night. I take barre fusion AND barre method back to back. Yes, you read that correctly – 120 mins of sheer agony! I love how different the two workouts are and how sore and accomplished I feel afterwards. Thanks you Julianna for kicking my butt and keeping the Bieber jams to a minimum. Haha.

I’m also super excited that I turned my friend Christine onto barre! She came with me last Friday morning and 10 mins in she was looking at me like “Bitch what have you gotten me into?!”. Haha! Seeing her shake at the barre (it’s intense people! Intense!) and seeing her look of sheer exhaustion at the end made my heart happy (in a slightly evil way, LOL!). This workout that I love SO MUCH being understood by the people I love? Awesome.

A few friends have said “OMG you’re obsessed! Your living at the barre!”. Ya know what? I am obsessed! I love how I feel after- I love seeing my clothes loose – I love feeling strong and accomplished! I used to say I could NEVER take in person classes because I live so far (about 35 mins from the original studio, 20 from the new one). I realized that’s just an excuse.

If you want something – you find a way to make it work. If not you find an excuse.

How many times a day did I do this before? God, millions. I would find excuses to avoid walking up stairs, avoid going out for lunch, avoid seeing friends after work. I was the excuse queen! Not anymore. I have finally figured out that no one can want this for me – no one can make me want to change. I have to want it and I have to make it happen. (I know, total DUH moment right?).

Saturday morning I went to barre for an amazing, kickass workout with Jolene (look for a post later this week about her and her sister!). During class a girl in gray approached me and said “I loved your blog post about the studio!”. I got total warm fuzzies. Thank you girl in gray (who I know now is named Lindsay!)- you made my morning! Leaving class after being owned by the blue balls (someday I will defeat you blue ball – someday!) I decided to treat myself to Starbucks. I have been “off coffee” for a while – and made the decision that once in a while is OK, twice a day is not. I ordered a sausage egg and cheese breakfast sandwich on English muffin and a grande iced caramel macchiato. This was my breakfast every single day at one point in my life. Today it was delish, I enjoyed every bite – but I don’t need to have it again for a few weeks. It’s filling (766 calories total) and I think I prefer juice/smoothies for breakfast!

Mmmm caramel macchiato!

I think it’s so funny how your taste preferences change. You identify those “always” and “sometimes” foods Kate references in her blog. Once upon a time that breakfast was my always not it’s my sometimes. Lazy was my always and now it’s my “only on Sundays” (or which ever day I decide is rest day). I love the realizations I’ve made concerning my own health and happiness. It’s sad in one respect that it took me 30 years to learn balance and to put my body first ~ but better late than never!

When I first started doing the Skinny Jeans Challenge I picked these denim wide-leg trouser jeans as my “goal jeans” for May 31st.

I love me some wide-leg dark denim trousers (this style is made for someone with wide hips!). I bought them ages ago and they have never gotten past my mid-thigh. On April 1st I tried them on and they came to my knees. Bummer right? Well that’s what goals are for! Last Friday I decided to try them on and measure my progress. Guess what? They fit! In fact they fit so well I wore them to work! Here I am in all my cuteness rocking these jeans! Time to find a new pair for goal! (Good thing I have clothes in the next 3 sizes huh?).

Dark denim jeans FTW!

Wearing these jeans all day Friday made me smile all day and make better food choices. Did I need ice cream for dessert or did I want it? Did I need a Snapple tea with my lunch or would water do? If I need it – I will have it.  But, not every desire is a need!

My new goal jeans (by May 31st) are capris. I’ve never worn capris in public before. EVER. Cute huh?

I’m fairly certain I can rock them – with my pale white legs! LOL.

The last highlight of my weekend was a trip to Whole Foods with my bro. We scored amazing fruit, 52 bajillion Kind bars (I’m addicted and we hit the motherload including the illusive PB&J) and  Whole Foods home-made peanut butter.I cannot stop finding things to eat with peanut butter!!

Obsession.

This morning I was lucky enough to get a solo session with Jo (thank you to whomever didn’t show up – I loved having all eyes on me…NOT!). I could not wimp out (though I did take 900 mini-breaks). I was sore and sweaty and gross by the end! Loved it.

I have a different class every day for the week – and a plan to get 2 really good cardio sessions in. I feel like I’ve hit my stride! OK I have to do it…..(Sharon this song always makes me think of you!).

Are you dancing in your chair now? Good!

Hope you all have a kickass Monday!

The Ladies Behind the Barre (n9ne)

You all have heard me wax poetic about my love affair with barre n9ne for months now. I figured it was time to introduce you to the ladies behind the brand! Meet Tanya Croteau (owner and founder) and Julianna Osburn (Tanya’s right-hand woman and the instructor for 80% of the classes I take). They are two of the sweetest, most supportive women I’ve met and I’m so glad I met them – and found such an amazing fitness routine!

Tanya on the left, Julianna on the right! Photo courtesy of Stephanie Karp Greenough

Tanya Croteau

Tanya grew up dancing since the age of 3. She has had extensive dance training for over 28 years in hip-hop, jazz, tap and ballet. At age 18 Tanya began teaching dance and fitness classes for studios across the North Shore.

While studying at Suffolk University for her Bachelor’s Degree in Business Management, Tanya was a member of Phunk Phenomenon Urban Dance Theater for 5 years doing numerous performances all over the New England area to include Kiss 108FM Summer Concert, Boston Celtics Games halftime and timeout performances, Jordan’s Furniture Camp Miracles and many charities.

Upon graduation in 2003, Tanya began working full time at Wealth Management Group, LLC in Danvers, MA & continued her passion for performing. She spent the ’05, ’06, and ’07 seasons cheering for New England’s favorite Professional Football Team. During her years with the team she was selected to travel overseas with the Air Force Reserves to entertain troops from all branches of the military. Tanya and five other women from her squad visited Iraq, Afghanistan, Turkey, Germany, and Qatar. She was also selected as one of 8 women to travel to China in 2007 to promote American Football. In addition Tanya was a Boston Bruins Ice Girl for the the 2008-2009 season.

Tanya’s passion for fitness and love of dance has always encouraged her to experiment and study various methods across the US.  After 12 years of teaching numerous dance and fitness classes in March 2010 she has created her own workout method, the barre n9ne® method. In addition to her love of dance and fitness,  Tanya is enjoying being a new mom! Her son Jalen was born in January 2011 and has been participating in the baby barre™ mommy & me class since he was 6 weeks old!

How did barre n9ne start? By being in the dance and fitness industry for as long as I have, my goal was to create a method that combined all the exercises I loved and felt were the most effective. barre n9ne® includes elements from Pilates, ballet, yoga, and certain “typical” aerobic classes. I wanted to create a method that was low impact and that would lean out the overused muscles in the body- i.e biceps, thighs/quads and focused on toning and stretching the underused/tight muscles i.e triceps, lower abs, hip flexors. Since I am originally from Danvers, I had been primarily looking there to open a studio. In 2010 I found the perfect space in to start barre n9ne® and I’m so happy I did!

What makes it so special? I think we are special for a few reasons- one being our motivating and non judgmental environment. We have clients of all ages and fitness levels and we are sure to make each person feel “at home” when they walk into the studio. Also all the barre n9ne® instructors legitimately care about our clients; we are interested in getting to know them. We don’t just teach and class and say we’ll see you next week. We feel that knowing our clients allows us to make their workouts more effective. Some of these women spend, 5, 6, 7 hours with us a week. Why wouldn’t you want to get to know them? Lastly, many clients say that they are so happy to be part of the barre n9ne® family- and that is just it- it IS like a little family here. So many friendships have developed in the past 2 years and I can’t wait to see what the next two years brings.

(Editor’s note: This is 100% true. I am a social person, but I feel like I’m amongst friends at every barre n9ne class – even if I don’t know a soul. Am I twice as big as most girls taking classes? Yup. Does it faze me? Nope!).

When did the Danvers studio open? March 2010   What prompted a second studio opening? Julianna and I have been talking about expanding for a while actually. Not in any sort of rush, just actively looking. We have many clients who drive from all over to come to the Danvers studio- some girls come all the way from NH actually! Many of these ladies have friends who want to try barre n9ne® but don’t want to or can’t make the drive to Danvers. There were a few towns on our list that we really wanted to open a barre n9ne studio in and Andover was one of them. We came across a studio that was closing and the location was awesome so I just took a deep breath and went for it! We just love what we do so much and want to share barre n9ne® with the world

Ladies rocking it out barre n9ne style at the new Andover location!!

How are you going to find time to (wo)man 2 studios?! I ask myself that question too kidding. When you love what you do it doesn’t feel like work. I plan to split my time between both studios teaching and working on all the “business stuff” and I have an awesome staff of instructors who are so eager and willing to help all the time which I am so thankful for. Also I recently left my full time job at Wealth Management Group so that I can devote 100% of my time to barre n9ne®.
Being a professional cheerleader I bet you always had pressure to keep your weight in a certain range. Do you think this impacted your relationship with your body? Food?  Many people think that if you are a professional cheerleader you have to starve yourself. This is so far from the truth. We did get weighed in during our practices however girls that were underweight were spoken to just as often as girls who legitimately needed to tone up. Being in that role you just have to be very aware of your appearance- naturally; since you are wearing a two piece uniform and there are 500 other girls vying for your spot you really do want to look your best. We didn’t necessarily need to keep our weight in a certain range; we just needed to look FIT. If there were areas that needed to tone up that is what we had to do. I would say that the requests were very reasonable. We were definitely not all supposed to weigh the same and if our coach every got wind of anyone starving themselves or doing anything drastic to lose weight i.e throwing up, diet pills, etc you would be removed from the team.  For me, I always enjoyed working out, and I danced my whole life so I was always on a stage in some sort of tight/revealing outfit, therefore I guess I just always wanted to make sure I looked my best.

As far as this impacting my relationship with food; I don’t feel like it has impacted it at all really. I enjoy and indulge when I want to but I don’t make this the norm. My opinion is that you just feel better when you eat well. The example I give in my nutrition seminars is this: chocolate cake on your birthday is awesome, surrounded by your friends and family celebrating you and your life; chocolate cake every day is a means to disliking who you are.

What foods do you crave? How do you still enjoy these and stay within your number? I LOVE ice cream. I LOVE warm freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. I LOVE pizza from Upper Crust. I LOVE wine and I LOVE the chocolate martini at Max Brenner in Boston. The key to staying within my number is by planning. If I know I have ice cream at home and I know I am going to want it after dinner I make sure I plan for it during the day. Maybe I don’t get a 200 calorie drink at Starbucks that day or I don’t order out for lunch with the rest of my co-workers. Same thing on the weekends; if we are planning to go into the city I have a light breakfast- maybe a banana with peanut butter or a chobani yogurt with some strawberries or banana- something that will fill me up and is nutritious. Then I enjoy those things I am looking forward to. Also here’s a tip I tell my challengers- Eat when you are hungry not by habit. What this means is that if you are on a schedule of Monday through Friday eating at 7am, 9am, 12pm, 3pm 6pm and then on the weekends you wake up and have breakfast then you get invited to a late afternoon lunch and finally 6pm hits and although your habit would tell you it’s time for dinner, only eat if you are hungry.

When you were pregnant with Jalen did you gain any weight? I gained over 65lbs during my pregnancy- and I am only 5 feet tall.

Note to new mommies- Tanya offers a special mom-package and “baby barre” classes at the studio!

Leading the insanely busy life you do (full time mom, girlfriend, career, business owner AND teacher) how do you balance it all? I get this question a lot and I never know how to answer it. I guess I just do. It’s normal for me. I don’t even think about it. Even before barre n9ne and Jalen I have always been going a mile a minute in 10 different directions

During high school I went to school, danced, did gymnastics, baby sat and worked at the mall.  After high school I went to college, taught at a dance studio, danced for Phunk Phenomenon, performed all over New England, and worked as a dancer at bar/bat mitzvahs. After college, I began working at Wealth Management Group (WMG) and continued to teach dance. I also bartended and still did mitvahs. From 2005-2008 I cheered for the New England Patriots while still working at WMG and teaching dance and fitness classes around New England.

Upon completing my 3rd year with the Pats I started working for a fitness studio in Boston, continued working at WMG and I cheered for a season for the Bruins Ice Girls. At the end of 2009 I began looking for space to open a barre studio on the north shore- still working at WMG. I guess you can see a trend here huh I always have enjoyed being busy. I fill my days from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep. I really do enjoy being busy and I can’t sit still
What’s your favorite move in class? Does it change? I love the side leg series we use in long and lean legs, it’s killer, I love thigh dancing and I love using the blue ball at the barre, there is no way you cannot shake!

What’s your favorite song in your current playlist? I have so many favorite songs at the moment; some are “Tonight” by Outasight, “Hit The Lights” by Jay Sean, “Starships” by Nicki Minaj, and “Sun Is Up” by Inna

What’s your favorite class to take? I really love taking barre classes and I have tried different ones all over- near and far and I try not to be bias to barre n9ne® but our classes really are awesome- not to say others aren’t but our instructors are just so attentive, clear, concise and motivating so when I want to take class I come to barre n9ne®. I usually go to Julianna’s classes however now that we have so many awesome new instructors I have so many to choose from

Favorite class to teach? That’s a tough one! I love teaching all my classes. Let me run down the list:

Long and Lean Legs is one of my top favorites because there is literally nothing like it. It is not a barre class although people think it is when they sign up. It is awesome, intense and you can literally feel your legs leaning out during it.

Another one of my favorites is toned, firm, fit and ready! I created this class because most of our classes follow a certain structure and I wanted to be able to have a class where I could use anything and everything and not (per say) in an specific order. TFFR as we call is a barre style class with a fun name! It actually was inspired by the California Girls song. That was a hit at the studio in 2010. Julianna, her mom and sister were all doing the Big White Dress Challenge to prepare for her sisters wedding and we all loved that song because her wedding was in July and we said that everyone would be “toned, tan, fit and ready” thanks to barre n9ne. The phrase became addictive and we turned it into a class name! The rest is history

barre n9ne® cardio is also top on my list because I love that we have combined 30 minutes of cardio with our signature method class. It’s an awesome class, everyone gets super sweaty and I just love it.

Lastly our signature barre n9ne® method class is of course top of my list. The warm up always the same and for upper body we always begin with shoulders, move on to biceps and triceps. From there we conquer thigh work and seat work, ending with abs and our standard stretch. I love that it is so structured and clients know what to expect next even though we have a variety of different exercises for each body part. Also I feel as though there is a sense of accomplishment once they complete each section. I love the flow of this class and the energy throughout the room.

How did “Skinny Jeans” and “60-Day” Challenge start? What kind of success have the girls had thus far? For a long time I had wanted to create a program that was achievable, manageable and that clients would see results in a short amount of time. Therefore in May of 2011 I selected two women, sisters actually, Jessica and Jolene to participate in a free 60 day challenge. The program included classes, nutritional guidance, and walking. We documented their results over 60 days and they lost over 22 inches combined- which they have kept off almost one year later! I then launched the 60 day challenge studio wide. Since August I have seen more than 200 inches lost and over 200lbs lost!

The 60 day challenge includes 4 classes per week. We were approached by many women who wanted to do the challenge but could not attend 4 classes per week. Therefore we decided to launch the Skinny Jean Challenge which is identical to the 60 day challenge however it is includes 2 classes per week instead of 4. I am so happy to be able to teach these women how to take control of their life, their eating habits and cycles of good days and bad days and to show them how to have the body they want while enjoying the foods they love.

(Editor’s Note: I was signed up for the April/May Skinny Jeans Challenge….but I’m SO ADDICTED to classes I’m coming 4-5 times a week now!!)

What would you tell someone who thought they weren’t “fit” enough to come to a barre n9ne class? The environment at barre n9ne® is completely non-judgemental. I have yet to meet anyone who felt like they were being judged when they walked through our doors. Everyone is so supportive of each other- not just our instructors but our clients too. Sometimes I just step back and listen to the conversations in the waiting room and it makes me so happy and proud. These women really care about each other and are always motivating one another. (I’m actually getting teary eyed writing this!) Seriously though, the only thing I can say is to come and try a class and I promise you will not feel judged at all. It just does not happen, I would never tolerate it.

Tanya on the left, Julianna on the right

Julianna Osburn

I grew up in Danvers, and was pretty active in the community from a young age. In high school I ran cross country and cheered for the hockey team. (hockey cheering was perfect for me because I have lots of pep, but not too much rhythm and a serious fear of heights!) I continued to run competetively in college at Endicott College in Beverly, where I studied Hospitality Management. College was also where I discovered my love for group fitness! After college I bounced around a bit, trying different work out styles, and found barre n9ne in March of 2010. End of story there! I am the youngest of three girls, I love being a sister and I am lucky to be an auntie. I am engaged and getting married in September (wheeee!) at my favorite place in the world, Lake Shore Park, Gilford, NH. Other than that, I am a Leo, I think that explains my personality pretty well, so I will leave it at that (:

(Editor’s note: Julianna is also a 13-year old girl at heart. She has “Bieber Fever” and has tried unsuccessfully to convert me into a Bieber fan in class! Ha!).

How did you find barre n9ne? I discovered barre n9ne through my mom actually! When the studio first opened I still lived at home with my mom. She had started going pretty much right when it opened. She kept coming home and raving about this new work out, how much her legs hurt, and how CUTE the owner of the studio was. She nagged me to join her for at least two weeks, but I was pretty set in my work out routine; my day job is in the same parking lot as a Boston Sports Club, so right after work I would go to the gym and run on the treadmil, do crunches and lift 12 pound weights…a couple days a week I would take a spinning or step class. Well finally one night she convinced me to join her, even though I had JUST gotten home from the gym. The class was amazing, I couldn’t believe how hard it was (especially since I felit like I was in really good shape). After the class Tanya talked with my mom and I for a while about the method, and that was the first of many late night talks with the three of us, the beginning of my friendship with Tanya, and the beginning of my love affair with barre n9ne! I was hooked. I loved it, I loved Tanya and I loved being with my mom! It was a win, win, win!

What makes barre n9ne different and special from other exercise classes? So much! I know that I am biased, but even before I was a big part of barre n9ne these differences were apparent to me, and what made me love it so much!!!

There is no judgement: If you are a fitness rockstar, or if it is your first attempt at fitness, you are welcomed and treated nicely! Our instructors want to know what your goals are, and we want to help you reach them, period. As an instructor it is important to remember a couple of things: not every body is the same, not every person has the same fitness goals, and fitness can be really intimidating for some people. Simply by keeping these things in mind you can create a comfortable environment for everyone and STILL provide an amazingly challenging work out.

It is more than a fitness studio: Probably my favorite thing about the studio…the waiting room is more like a living room, where all of our clients, from all different walks of life chat with eachother! Most times they are discussing things about the studio; what’s been a challenge for them, what they are proud of accomplishing, motivating one another to try a different class, welcoming a new client by warning them that their legs will shake and they will be instantly addicted…but other times there is talk about babies, and men, and shopping! No matter what the conversation, everyone is involved and it really sets a positive tone, now these “friends” are walking in to work out together for an hour, and it is comfortable and fun! I forgot to mention the ridiculous amount of compliments that I over hear! I will never get tired of hearing our clients tell eachother how great their legs, bums and arms look!!!

The method puts a twist on more traditional exercises seen in gyms, which leads to really big changes: I could get into so much detail about this…but to keep it simple, it really goes back to the idea that not every body is the same….the biggest difference is the difference between the bodies of men and women. In most cases the two genders are going for completely different looks…so it doesn’t really make sense to do the same excercises as our male counterparts, right? The barre n9ne method is specifically designed to achieve long, lean muscles, a beautifully toned feminine physique. And it works! I promise!

The method is a constant challenge: Truly a constant challenge with constant change! Just when you think you have mastered it, you can dig deeper and find a way to get that shake we love! At barre n9ne the shake means change, and we see a LOT of it!  We really care about the clients and we absolutely love what we do.

Were you always an active person growing up? What other activities do you enjoy besides barre?I have always been very active! I grew up playing soccer and running cross country and track. Until discovering the barre n9ne method, my main exercise was running! I ran competetively for years, and after I stopped that it remained my go to exercise!

What foods do you crave? How do you stay within your number? Let’s be honest here. I crave french fries, pizza and ice cream! I tell my guy all the time that there is no one on earth who loves fried foods more than I do! But with that said, I also have a crazy love for healthy foods! I can’t imagine a day without fruits and vegetables! (I also tell my guy all the time that fruit makes me feel alive, he rolls his eyes at me frequently). So before I learned about “my number” I always maintained a comfortable weight because my love for junk and my love for health food provided a good enough balance. When I learned about my number it all fell into place! Finally a lifestyle choice that I could embrace and respect: do not eliminate your favorite foods, but take responsibility for what you eat, and plan ahead! Staying within my number requires planning and mindfullness!

My favorite thing to tell people is that every Friday night I eat pizza and frozen yogurt with my guy. I never feel bad about it!! It is my favorite night of the week, and I enjoy every bite!!!

What’s your favorite healthy food? JUICE! I love to juice! My sister gave me a juicer about 3 years ago and I just love making healthy yummy juices! My favorite is a green juice: Lettuce, Lemon, Green Apples and Parsley. It is a fabulous way to start your day!

What is your favorite barre move? Does it change? OMG. How do I choose?! I guess I would have to say the wide pliets! So close to a squat, yet so different and so effective!!! Just a really great move for our female bodies!

What has been your most gratifying moment as a barre n9ne instructor? I don’t think I could pick just one…but the moments when I see someone finally “get” something, and make that mind/body connection are really gratifying! Hearing people talk about how much their bodies have changed, how they have achieved something they never thought they could and how much they love the studio and my classes….these things will never get old! It makes me so happy!

How does the focus change when you teach a group class versus a barre luxe session versus a virtual session?  Group classes have the most energy for sure, which is fun! I try my best to make sure that all 17 people are getting the best work out they can! A barre luxe session is great because the client can tell me exactly the areas in which they are hoping to improve, so the focus is a lot more personal! A virtual session requires the most verbal instruction and correction, because I can’t physically fix anything! All three have their differences, but they are all fun!

What is the mot exciting part of teacher training for you? It was really fun and exciting to be a part of training the new instructors! It actually made me remember how excited I was when Tanya offered me the opportunity, and I was able to share all of my crazy stories about counting and running through a whole class in the car! Perhaps the most exciting thing though, was just seeing the actual need for so many teachers! It wasn’t that long ago when Tanya and I were the only instructors…barre n9ne is really growing quickly and I am proud to be a part of it!

What would you tell someone who thought they weren’t “fit” enough to come to a barre n9ne class? I would not accept this for an answer! If you are feeling “un-fit” we want you to come to the studio so we can help you to feel fit! Whatever your struggles are, we will do our best to help you. That is for sure! Fitness classes should build confidence, that is what we try to do!

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I hope seeing a glimpse at the ladies behind the barre has made you want to come try a class – I am literally here 4-5 times a week so ping me and we will rock it at the barre together!

Alone versus Lonely

 

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and while it’s not directly weight-loss related I’m going to blog about it nonetheless!

I can count on one hand the number of serious relationships I’ve been in (which is probably sad given that I am 30). I don’t find it easy to trust and I usually fall for the wrong people. That said, I am proud to say I’ve never been someone who HAD to be in a relationship to be complete. I had friends in high school/college who just went from guy to guy and never took time to know themselves. I was the opposite. I was never boy crazy – I never had pressure from my family to “settle down”. It’s interesting to me when my friends parents were obsessing over prom dates and “love” – my parents were focused on my academic accomplishments and my passions (journalism, music shows etc). They never pushed me to date or “find someone” (and I love them for that!). Even at 30 I have never once gotten the “You need to settle down” speech. They love that I have a job I’m happy with and I respect myself. I’m sure deep down they hope I find someone and have kids, but I know if I didn’t – they would love me just the same.

As I continue to lose weight I’m noticing changes in other areas besides just my physical appearance. I’m stronger (mentally), I’m walking with my head up (in shoes that have a slight heel – first time in 3 years!), I want more from life. I don’t want to settle for being the “fat chick with a nice career”. I want love. I want someone who I am head over heels for (and vice versa!) and ya know what? I totally deserve it. I kickass!

I am single but I’m not lonely or sad or pathetic. I love myself (truly!). I used to say I did….but I would always add “but” or “except for”. Nope, now I love myself 100%. I rule! I can’t believe how much my attitude about myself has changed. I feel like a better version of myself. Upgraded!

(I’m laughing as I type this….if you’ve just stumbled upon my blog you probably think I’m an asshole. I assure you, I’m not. Stick around – read some old posts – see the growth happen as the blog progressed! It’s really rad!)

Julianna has been playing some kickass songs in class lately – one of which has really resonated with me. I’m totally not hip – so I had to Shazam it. (love that app!)

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone.

(Kelly Clarkson “Stronger” )

Ha! YES! I am alone, but I’m not lonely. Those terms are not mutually exclusive.  I don’t feel “incomplete” or “broken”. I feel awesome actually. I feel like I had to step outside of my comfort zone and see the pieces of me that needed work in order to get here. I wasn’t just fat- I was carrying baggage. Granted, everyone has baggage – but sometimes it’s not worth hanging onto any longer. The clothes I wore at 425 pounds don’t fit me. The attitudes I had about myself and others don’t fit me either. I’ve changed. Evolved. Grown emotionally.

Have you see “Up in the Air“? If not – Netflix it, great movie. George Clooney is a corporate down-sizer (and public speaker on the side). In one of his speeches he gives this monologue:

How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you’re carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life… you start with the little things. The shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV… the backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home… I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office… and then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack, feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks.

Now, I don’t agree with that per se – I just said I believe in love and monogamy and happily ever after – but the concept of the baggage you carry is really interesting to me. What’s in your backpack/purse/murse? (murse = man purse). Are you hanging on to shit you need to let go (figuratively AND literally!)….I carry way too much stuff in my purse, it makes my shoulder ache! Let it go. Throw out your old clothes, keep your old love letters – but keep them in perspective. Your past doesn’t have to define you.

I’ve used this quote a million times – but it really applies to so much of my life:

“But it’s no use going back to yesterday ~ I was a different person then” (Alice in Wonderland).

I was a different person a month ago, a year ago, 5 years ago. I wanted different things. I felt I wasn’t worthy of love/fabulousness. I felt I was going to have to settle for “average” when I deserve exceptional – simply because of my size.

I just took a quick look at my “past, present, future letters” – I love how smart I am sometimes. Haha. “Try new things, stop feeling bad about relationships that ended. People come in and out of your life for a reason ~ even if you can’t see that reason at the time!” YUP.

I’ve made peace with the past, I’ve let go of a lot of emotional baggage and now I’m ready to move forward.

P.S. – Dear Michael Vartan, you can come find me now. Samantha Vartan has a lovely ring to it, dontcha think?

P.P.S – Just in case you live under a rock and have not seen my celebrity crush before: